We are 1 Hippo Brawlers
by New Warrior of Fire
Summary: Lee's favorite TV show provides a way for Gai to try to one-up team 7. ONESHOT. Warning: Gai fans should not read


Rock Lee was watching his favorite amine cartoon in his Sensei's house. The program was 'Bakugan Battle Brawlers'.

Just as the show went into a fight scene, Neji walked in. Shaking his head at Lee, Neji asked

"Why do you waste your time watching something so childish? This show is just glorifying children's toys by associating them with monstrous alien creatures."

"'Bakugan' is completely legitimate, Neji," Lee said. "The fight scenes are epic; the clash between Bakugan determines the honor of the brawler."

"They're playing _marbles_," Neji said snidely. "By the same measure you could engage in an 'epic' fight with the game 'hungry hungry hippos'."

As Neji turned to leave the room, Lee said "Neji."

Neji turned to see Lee holding a game set for 'hungry hungry hippos'.

"I challenge you to brawl," he said.

Neji didn't say anything. His eyes, however, relayed obscenities to severe to be elaborated upon.

"You can't be serious." was his only reply.

"Do not worry Neji. I will go easy on you."

Neji was offended by this 'reassurance'.

"Fine," he said "I'll show you how immature you're being."

Lee and Neji kneeled at the ready, with the game set on a low table.

"3…2…1…Go!" they said in unison.

Each struck the 'chomp' leaver to quickly to be followed by the human eye, but in the end the winner was ultimately . . .

"Neji?" Lee said in surprise.

Indeed, Neji was the winner. Lee had played harder, but Neji had played faster.

"I cannot believe it… you beat me." Lee said.

Neji sighed. "Now do you see how childish this is?"

"Childish?" Someone asked. "That was incredible!"

The two of them turned to see their Sensei standing in the doorway.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee yelled excitedly.

"Oh, damn it, son of a _bitch_!" Neji said. "Now we'll have to face off with—"

"Kakashi's team!" Gai said.

Gai made arrangements for team six to go up against team seven in a game of 'hungry hungry hippos'.

Twenty minutes later, they met Kakashi, followed by Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto in the outdoor training area.

"Do not worry Neji," Lee said "I'm sure Gai-sensei has a well thought out plan."

"Knowing Gai-sensei, that would probably be to piss in the wind." Neji said.

The matches were pared

Sasuke vs. Neji,

Sakura vs. Tenten,

And

Lee vs. Naruto.

Naruto grumbled. "Whose dumbass idea was this?" he muttered.

The first match was Sakura vs. Tenten, which Tenten won within fifteen seconds of the starting gun.

The next match was Sasuke vs. Neji. The fight was very close, but Sasuke won the match.

The final match was Lee vs. Naruto.

"Come on Lee!" Gai shouted. "I'll be damned if we lose to these slackers!"

"Yes Gai-sensei!" Lee yelled. It was obvious that he was getting the better of the match.

"Dream on bushy-brows!" Naruto yelled "I'm gonna win this for team seven!"

"Your defeat is imminent Naruto!" Lee said "It is I who has the upper hippo!"

"WHAT?" Naruto screamed.

Immediately the game was over. The marbles were counted, and the winner was Naruto—driven to victory by the sheer rage and disgust brought forth by Lee saying 'upper hippo' rather than 'upper _hand_'.

"Wow, good work Naruto." Kakashi commended him. "Are there any other expressions that bother you that much?"

"Well yeah," Naruto replied "Like when someone says 'legit' instead of saying _legitimate_, or says 'heigth' instead of saying _height_."

"Oh, I know right?" Kakashi said "Do people say that they're afraid of _heigths_?"

"Yeah, or say that something that isn't legitimate is _illegit_?" Naruto added.

While Kakashi and Naruto discussed irritating terminologies, Gai was beside himself with rage at his team's defeat.

"That's not possible! How could we have lost to _them—_?... Lee!" Gai yelled accusingly. "You obviously haven't trained hard enough!"

Lee looked ashamed.

"And Tenten, you weren't fast enough!"

"But I _won_!" Tenten said.

"Yeah," Gai said scathingly "You won to _Sakura_. And Neji" he continued "You're… you're… ugly!"

No one dared say a word.

"_Excuse_ me?" Neji whispered "_I'm_ ugly?"

For a moment there was a paralysis of shock in which teams six and seven wondered if Gai would feel the full extent of Neji's rage, or if he would merely rip his heart out of his chest.

"I'M UGLY?" Neji screamed, "IF I LOOKED LIKE YOU I'D SHAVE MY ASS AND WALK BACKWARDS!"

This was met only by Gai sending team six out of his sight.

"Why don't you guys go and get something to eat." Kakashi told team seven "It's on me."

He gave them the money, and then went to have a word with Gai.

"Don't you think you were a little too hard on your team, Gai?" Kakashi asked.

"The way I teach my students is none of your business, Kakashi." Gai said bitterly "Those three need to learn discipline."

"No," Kakashi said "You don't tear down the confidence of three genin just because you're on your period. They deserve better than that."

"Don't tell me how to live my life, Kakashi." Gai said "It's my responsibility to tell my students when they've done something wrong."

"And it isn't your responsibility to tell them when they've done somethingright?" Kakashi asked."

Now Gai said nothing.

"You're all talk Gai," Kakashi continued "If you're so sure, then why don't you put your hippo where your mouth is."

Gai accepted this challenge; the two of them knelt at the game table at the ready, and the match began.

To make a long story short, Gai lost.

Gai may have played his hardest, but Kakashi had played harder and faster.

Gai fell back in shock, the fact that he had just lost to his rival left him half speechless, and that being said, he could speak in half sentences, like

"That—that's impossible . . ."

Or

"How did—you manage . . . to . . .?"

"Well then," Kakashi said as he got to feet "I hope you learned your lesson."

Team six had been avenged. Kakashi took his hippo and left.

THE END


End file.
